To set this up properly, I should probably point you to a post from Errol, reproduced at the bottom of the page. You get the most by reading Errol's serious post first, but if you just read Dude's parody, you won't miss much.
In response to Errol's "post with no paragraph breaks"...
> First some good news: Friday and Saturday woke up early, ate about 3 pounds of bacon smothered with butter and cream cheese, took a great dump afterwards. Read the comics too while taking class A naval yard dump. Bad News: Jules entered the bathroom too soon after I evacuated, she wasn't wearing her Nomex suit, which I've lectured her countless times on. Got pretty well scorched. I watched it happen, and knew that she would do it. She apologised afterward on the way to the hospital, told me that her bathroom instructor never mentioned a "dump interval" between usage of the facilities. After dropping her off at the emergency room, I went down to the docks to work on rebreathers, saw Dr. Heseltine filling his rig with O2. I couldn't believe what I saw, so I slapped him hard across the face. He looked at me pretty dumbfounded. "Where's your cigarette?" I asked him. He didn't have an answer, nor did he have a cig handy, so I had to loan him one of mine to have lit and dangling from his mouth when he does his O2 fills. I then noticed that he was with Hal, and that Hal was eating a watercress sandwich. This really blew me away. "Where's your god damned doughnuts, Hal?" I asked him. He looked really shocked, and kinda embarrassed, since he knew that I was right. He asked me on the spot to become his instructor, and so I told him to run down to Winchells and get 4 dozen glaze doughnuts and a half dozen maple bars, and class would commence. Hal and Dr. Heseltine both thanked me after we had finished the pack of cigs I had brought and the doughnuts. I was still kinda pissed, though, at the end of the day. You would think that these training agencies would teach the fundamentals of eating and smoking before diving to these guys. After that session, I started getting calls from all these other divers who are beginning to realize just how wrong they've been all their lives. They all want me to teach them the philosophy of "eating it right" and "smoking your way to success". So I agreed that someone like me had to take matters in his own hands before some other poor, ignorant soul goes diving without the proper blood-sugar level, or nicotine content. I know I'm standing on my doughnut box here, but I've seen too much of this just to let it slip by. What can be done? I want everyone who every worked for anyone to contact me so they can answer some hard questions. But give me about 20 minutes before you call because I've got to go now and take a dump, and Jules took the portable phone with her into the bathroom and now it's all burned to hell. Those maple bars really tear up my bung-hole, but it is a necessary part of my everyday training. Sincerely, Kevin.
From: "Errol Kalayci" <errol@gate.net>
Subject: Rebreather Dives
Date: Sat, 13 Jun 1998 21:45:46 -0700
First some good news: Spent Friday and Saturday diving my Halcyon, had a good buddy with
me to keep an eye on me should things go wrong. Nothing went wrong, great vis and watched
a huge sea turtle hold onto a wreck while eating a sponge from it. Gas consumption
averaged only 1 cu.ft. per 3+ minutes at 120'. Purpose of dives were to refamilarize
myself totally with RB for another upcomming class, and prepare for some deep dives I am
doing in July with RB in remote locations. Bad New: Had to wash a student out of the RB
training program on the second day of the course due to his lack of physical conditioning.
Thus, I was able to do some breather diving myself (not by myself, see above). More Bad
news Friday and Saturday - Dolphin Divers on boat for training by another instructor
Friday before dive, I hear briefing instructor does not say start and end dive on OC.
Therefore, I speak up and explain why. They do not heed my warning. My buddy & I dive
first, and later run across a dolpin diver by himself, then see buddy 100' behind him. I
make dolphin diver stop and swim back to buddy, then wondering where instructor is. Two
minutes later, I see instructor comming down anchor line with weights in his hand.
Apparently, dolphin diver #1 did not have enough weight, so instructor gives him his,
leaves students and goes get more weight. I am of course SHOCKED. After the dive, I
explain how almost this exact situation on the Dolpin/Atlantis has left one diver a veggie
and another dead. Again, I point out that they should be on OC when they end the dive
(which they were not). Instructor takes an interest in what I have to say and wants to
sign up for a RB class from me. Instructor is much better than most except for the mistake
that could have killed his students. Saturday AM Before we leave dock, Dolphin student #2
asks me to repeat and explain why they should be on OC at begining and end of dive. I
explain in detail. During the ride, instructor asks me about his diving 190' with the
Atlantis in Cocos with a certain group of people who like to write stories for a magazine.
He says I probably think that is dumber than doing deep air dives. I agree and read him
the riot act. He says he (instructor) was never taught that it was a problem, after all,
if at rest the FiO2 is air at 190'. What about, narcosis, CO2, Hypoxia, and no redundacy,
I drill into his head. He understands my points, and realizes how STUPID he was in the
past and about to be again on the upcoming Cocos trip. This is the second guy in one week
that I had to straighten out on the same subject (remember Jesse Armantrout's post?) He
then tells me some more unbelievable information, including that many courses are now
consisting of 20 minutes of lectures and the student diving on their own. On site, I let
the instructor and students go first. There is a current so they are told to swim to line,
and go down line without letting go. Again, I tell them to start and end on OC. They hop
in water, Dolphin diver # 2 lets go of line at surface, sinks 5' and kicks hard for a
minute or two until reaching line. I observe and tell DM get ready to rescue, if diver is
not on OC he is going to go hypoxic. Diver descends, they get to wreck and return after 3
minute BT. Divers ask my opionion, telling me I am right. Diver could not breath, was
dizzy, saw spots, weakness, etc. None of them knew what to do about the situation, other
than come up (luckily they did so alive). On their next dive (after sitting out the wreck
dive, which I had a great RB dive on) they did a drift dive and were all on OC at the
start and finish. They were not allowed to hop in with RB in thier mouth, nor did they
want to at this point. I am relating this story with the hope it reaches some with power
in Drager to do something, it also illustrates why I am standing on the soap box yelling
about RB safety. What can be done? If anyone reading this is a Drager employee, please
call me to discuss this further. I have observed or been told by the involved parties of
at least 5 near misses. This must stop before more people are injured or killed.
Sincerely, Errol Kalayci Work (954) 467-1236 Fax (954) 524-7598 www.technicaldiving.com